Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
