walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
lets start a swedish sibling band together
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
