So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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