If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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