We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
