Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
