dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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