i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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