Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
