I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
