My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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