Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
