she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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