Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
