fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
