Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
be right there i have to get my cape
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
