Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
