I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
