whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
