He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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