No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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