I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
