if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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