I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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