so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
