I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
