Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
