Sry I called you an 8
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
