She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
