They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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