this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
