I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
