My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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