She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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