I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just pynch a tree in the face
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
