just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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