Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize