Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize