I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
