Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
