i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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