Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
