I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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