I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
