Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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