I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
