Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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