so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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