I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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