does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
