i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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