What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize