so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
