and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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