You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize