i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
