I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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