when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
