I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
now i know why i became what i already was.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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