I just threw up on my dentist
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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