Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
