I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
