Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Enjoy the penises
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
