p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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