Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize