I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
