Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
