I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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