she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
