Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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