We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
