my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I smell stomach acid.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
