I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
